I just turned in Benz.  I loved this car, but as a struggling actress, I could no longer afford it.  Giving back the car was an emotional experience.   Really?  It’s just a car…a means of getting around.  So why just days before it was due, I was trying to justify keeping it.  I am not this materialistic.   I’m NOT!  Why was it so hard to let it go?  This sent me deep into self-reflection.  After some thought, here’s what I came up with.

The car was symbolic of my past life.  It represented my hard work and success.  Material possessions get attached with personal memories, security, or identity.   For me, I guess it was the latter two.  I worked so hard for most of my life in order to not have to worry about money like my mom did.

Since moving out here, I changed my lifestyle 180 degrees.  I said goodbye to shopping (this was huge for me given my long-time love affair with designer shoes and handbags), dinners with friends, extravagant trips, blah, blah.   Today?   I love coupons, bargains and stretching a dollar.  And, wasting food…forget about it.  You going to eat that?   Perfect, I’ll take those left-overs home.   Not kidding.   It’s another meal.  There may even be the occasional pilfering of napkins from fast food restaurants.   Did I just say that?  So, to say I changed my way of life, spending habits and outlook on money IS an understatement. The car was my last luxury.

I had to ask myself:  What means more: the car or the journey? Am I prepared to give up
a car in order to pursue this?  Of course, I would!  I already gave up so much.   The car needs to go.

The day finally came when I turned in the car.   I will admit there was a few tears, but soon after leaving the dealership, I felt a sense of freedom.   This was the right thing to do.  It was weighing me down, and now I am even more committed to this journey.  It’s all about commitment.

For whatever reason, you grow attached to things and getting rid of them, can be stressful.  How do I cope with all this change?  I am trying to feel comfort with it.  Change is good.  I say that a lot to myself.    Most of the time, I believe it.

In this materialistic society in which we live, “I have therefore I am.”  Well, I beg to differ.  It is not what you drive or what you wear that defines you.   So, if you’re holding onto something that you know is not in your best interest, I bid you….Let it Go! Let it Go! Let it Go!

Hitching home from the dealership

Sailing into Miami

I grew accustom to working 60-80 hours a week for many years of my career.   I’ll spare the details about what the mental and physical impacts of stress and long hours can do.   2010 was the turning point for me.    Some serious soul searching happened…followed by my decision to make a major life change.

It started with a friend’s wedding in Turks and Caicos (my first vacation in 100 years).   For the first time in a LONG time, I was able to de-stress, smile, laugh, enjoy time with friends.   Then came a long sailing excursion through the Carribean.  I can’t describe how amazing it is to be on the open seas.  Amazing!   Do try, if you ever have an opportunity.    It was a major driver behind my decision.  I found happiness in the simple things in life like sunrises and sunsets, stars, the tranquility of the ocean, time to sleep, personal reading.   The very first book I read had a huge impact.  Like many women (and maybe some men out there) who picked up a copy of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love, it hit me at the right time and seemed to speak right to me.  I know, I know, it spoke to seven million or so people and there’s a movie BUT what this book did is give me another reason, another stepping stone that I landed on just at the right time.  I started questioning life, my chosen path and what’s really important for the future.

Then I marveled in major revelation.   Money and climbing to the top of the ladder (at one time, I enjoyed the chase) were no longer important.  What was?  Number one, health and happiness.  Two, I wanted to try something new. I needed a change.   Hmmm…. wouldn’t this be a perfect time to study acting?  Turned out, it was.   So, I said goodbye to that life — left Corporate America….friends….a city I loved for 10 years.. to embark on the improbable journey.   Now I am chanting “live life to the fullest” pretty regularly.  It’s never too late folks – you only live once!

I know what you’re thinking now.  I really do.  Why didn’t I pursue acting years ago?  Why now?  Until recently, I believed I had a good reason.  Our childhoods shape us steering us in a certain direction.  Mine certainly altered the path I followed in life.   My father left when I was six, leaving mom to raise my newborn brother and me alone.   Something else …my brother was born with a collapsed lung.   They didn’t have the technology then so doctors said he would probably die.  He survived!  After several months in an incubator, mom and I took him home.   He was truly a miracle baby.    So, there was mom on her own with two kids and no money.  She struggled for years working multiple jobs to keep a roof over our head and put food on the table, on top of dealing with the baggage that comes from divorce and single parenting.  I have a deep respect and admiration for her – she did her damndest to maintain a level of normalcy and strength, and despite being a single parent, worked hard to provide for us in material and intangible ways.  I know this is not a unique situation but it’s an important part of my story.

I was NOT going to have those struggles.  One of the most important lessons I learned from mom was never to rely on a man…..or anyone for that matter…..for financial security.  I would be self-reliant.  So, I went the more prudent route, the fastest path to getting there…college, internships, the business world.  I did not hop on a train to NYC to live the life of a starving actor (who often waited tables to pay the bills).  I chose financial security.  Don’t get me wrong… I would like to have money again, but it’s NOT worth sacrificing happiness.   So, here’s to my new “path!”

(Merriam Webster)
odds Noun (plural)   /ädz/
1a archaic : inequalities b obsolete : degree of unlikeness
2a : an amount by which one thing exceeds or falls short of another

Life is a set of odds that lead you down your path….a series of events with given probability, right?  When mom was pregnant, I could either have been a boy or a girl – 50/50.  Would I be blond and blue eye’d – 70/30? (Turns out yes, and yes.)  So fast forward from birth and that probable outcome, and here I am.  30-something.  I just ditched my high-paying career, left my life’s belongings in a 10×12 storage unit, bought a one-way ticket to Hollywood to chase a dream – I’m going to be an actress!!!

My odds? Not so good.  Competition is brutal, and that’s an understatement.  I’m competing with hotter, younger, more experienced, and connected people.  I’m at the very (did I say, very?) bottom of this enormous mountain to climb, looking straight up at a 90-degree angle.  I know no one here – I feel so alone.  No friends.  No family.  Can I do this without their support nearby? You don’t need to tell me, the odds are bad….no, daunting is more like it.  Change is hard enough but tack on the odds of my success and I’m completely overwhelmed.  Yes, I know (and many have been sure to tell me just in case I wasn’t sure), “it’s impossible!”  YES, I KNOW!  I wasn’t born yesterday (as previously pointed out I’m 30-something).  Ok, we’ve stated the odds.  Got it.  Thanks.  I’m a realist and understand what they are.  But you know what?  I won’t look back and say “what if I had moved to LA? Who would I have met? Where would my life have taken me?”  No matter what happens, this is an adventure…a journey.  So I’m fighting to stay positive and optimistic, in the face of what feels like insurmountable odds.

The same questions run through my head.   I’m here, now what?  Can I beat the odds?  I’ve been successful before, can I do it again?  I can’t answer these now.  I try to remember the people who were given a slim-to-no chance and beat the odds like Lance Armstrong, Oprah, Michael Oher, cancer survivors, quadriplegics who were told they wouldn’t get out of the chairs……and did!  What’s the commonality?  They all had tremendous passion to succeed despite the odds.  I have this!  They can do it, why can’t I?

So, I am hopeful about this improbable journey (at least for now).  I will stay focused and do everything it takes to achieve it.  But, I am pushing forward with the belief that it’s about pursuing the goal in the first place.  There are times I think I’m crazy and question my decision….AGAIN life is a journey.   I need to remember…..the final destination is important, but not as much as enjoying the ride.   I hope Damn the Odds drives you to reach for the brass ring.   I believe reaching for it IS worth it.  For me, who knows what the future will bring, but I hope you stick around to see!

— Kristin

Kristin is an aspiring actress who recently relocated to Hollywood.  She is the creator and editor of Damn The Odds.  Her resume can be seen here and her headshots can be seen here.

The first story I would like to share with you is mine.  2010 brought with it several life-changing events, which drove me to re-evaluate my life and ask some very tough questions.   What is truly important in life?  Am I happy?  Where do I go from here?   This profound questioning resulted in major revelation, and ultimately fueled my decision to make big changes in my life.  The launch of Damn the Odds coincides with my recent move to LA and the beginning of a new chapter in my life, one which will undoubtedly be a challenging journey.

I face so many hurdles, and what’s worse are the thoughts that constantly run through my head.  There are some days that I still can’t believe I did it.  I gave up everything.  I am starting all over.  Yikes!  When I tell people my story, I get such an overwhelming positive response.   It’s amazing.  Quite honestly, it’s part of what keeps me going.   And, they want to hear about my progress so I’m introducing Damn the Odds as a way to share my experiences — the good, the bad and the ugly – with everyone.

It goes way beyond me though.   I will be profiling other peoples’ stories and soliciting others to write in.  There are so many extraordinary people who sacrificed and fought for something that’s important to them despite overwhelming obstacles.  Their stories deserve to be told.

The idea behind Damn the Odds came from Conari Press’ Random Acts of Kindness, a collection of true stories that describe acts of kindness and generosity.  The book’s message is simple and powerful – live a more compassionate life.   My intent for Damn the Odds is to inspire people to reach for their dreams, take risks, and make changes — no matter what the odds are, or what challenges are ahead – in order to live a more happy life.

I would love you to be a part of the process and invite you to come back regularly and provide feedback.  I am counting on your comments.  Your questions.   I encourage you to tell me your real-life stories, or send suggestions about inspiring people you know.  My hope is that Damn the Odds becomes a growing community of people who are looking for and/or can provide support.   My philosophy is simple — I believe it is through sharing that we can learn from each other and inspire one another.

Please help spread the word and get the message out by promoting Damn the Odds within your circles.   Thank you in advance for your support.  I look forward to connecting with each of you!