Two days after the surgery

I mean, really? Who would ever have thunk it?  A routine procedure to remove a mole turned into a diagnosis of melanoma.   It was a small normal-looking mole on the side of my neck, one which did not fall under the warning sign.  Even the dermatologist questioned why I wanted it off.   Purely for cosmetic reasons.  And as mom said, “for once in your life, vanity paid off.”  It saved my life.

I was asked to return to the office the following week.  Yikes, that’s never good.   AND, it wasn’t.  It turned out I had skin cancer.   My first reaction?  Disbelief.  How could this be?  Sure, I am a fair skinned, blue-eyed blond with Irish heritage, but I wore sunscreen and hats to cover my face and neck for most of my adult life.   Then ignorance kicked in.  I did not know the different types of skin cancer, or that one was fatal.   (Melanoma has an average life expectancy of 6 months to a year if it gets into the system.)  I then dealt with regret.  I should have pursued acting earlier.  What if I don’t get the chance now?  Last emotion, of course, was fear.  Fear of the worst.  Death.  I don’t do well with health issues to begin with, and then take into consideration a mild case of hypochondria (you can thank my nana Martell for this too)…what an emotional roller coaster.  Though my odds were good this time (probability of a five-year survival is 93%), I didn’t believe it…. paid no attention to them.  I consider myself a tough girl but this rocked me.

The next day I had surgery.  I made the mistake of going alone — BAD IDEA.  Not good for several reasons but anyway….. It was agony waiting for the results – a week seemed like eternity.   Anyway, they came back….. cancer free!   What a relief.  The absence of anxiety was short lived – I had to now deal with the scar.  So heinous – I couldn’t look at or touch it for several days.   Almost six inches in length, it looked like I got my throat slit.  (If you can handle it, here’s a photo.)  You can imagine what ran through my mind about how it would affect me in Hollywood.  There’s no way to hide it at auditions.  The surgeon promised it would be unnoticeable…..look like a natural line in six months.  I was NOT optimistic at all.

And now…

So, what’s the take-away?  Life can be taken away so easily.  The event forced me to remind myself of what’s important, why I need to embark on this improbable journey.  It validated my decision to move to LA.  And now I’m here, and it is pushing me to the limits of my determination.

Friends, I would be remiss if I didn’t give a warning about the importance of getting your skin checked regularly.  If you haven’t gone to the dermatologist in a while, GO!!

Sailing into Miami

I grew accustom to working 60-80 hours a week for many years of my career.   I’ll spare the details about what the mental and physical impacts of stress and long hours can do.   2010 was the turning point for me.    Some serious soul searching happened…followed by my decision to make a major life change.

It started with a friend’s wedding in Turks and Caicos (my first vacation in 100 years).   For the first time in a LONG time, I was able to de-stress, smile, laugh, enjoy time with friends.   Then came a long sailing excursion through the Carribean.  I can’t describe how amazing it is to be on the open seas.  Amazing!   Do try, if you ever have an opportunity.    It was a major driver behind my decision.  I found happiness in the simple things in life like sunrises and sunsets, stars, the tranquility of the ocean, time to sleep, personal reading.   The very first book I read had a huge impact.  Like many women (and maybe some men out there) who picked up a copy of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love, it hit me at the right time and seemed to speak right to me.  I know, I know, it spoke to seven million or so people and there’s a movie BUT what this book did is give me another reason, another stepping stone that I landed on just at the right time.  I started questioning life, my chosen path and what’s really important for the future.

Then I marveled in major revelation.   Money and climbing to the top of the ladder (at one time, I enjoyed the chase) were no longer important.  What was?  Number one, health and happiness.  Two, I wanted to try something new. I needed a change.   Hmmm…. wouldn’t this be a perfect time to study acting?  Turned out, it was.   So, I said goodbye to that life — left Corporate America….friends….a city I loved for 10 years.. to embark on the improbable journey.   Now I am chanting “live life to the fullest” pretty regularly.  It’s never too late folks – you only live once!