People often ask me what it’s like to be in LA pursuing acting. I recently read an awesome blog post from Jenna Fischer (who plays Pam on The Office) about her journey and how she finally made it. Her post does a good job at summing up the typical actor experience. Here are a couple excerpts from her blog:

I fully expected to be working in movies within a year of moving to LA.  That was not my reality and it is not the reality of most people who move to LA to pursue acting.  It can take a very, very, very long time to succeed in this business and my best piece of advice is to not give up.  You have to motivate yourself and just keep going.  Create projects for yourself.  Don’t whine.  The first year is the hardest followed by every anniversary up to about year 5 when you’re so beaten down you don’t notice the years passing anymore.  I have a friend who is so incredibly talented it is a crime that after 10 years in LA he still has to wait tables to make a living.  He gets acting work here and there but he can’t hold down an agent.  This business is not fair.  It is not like other businesses where if you show up, and work above and beyond everyones expectations, you are pretty much guaranteed to move up the ladder.  I don’t know why it works out for some and not for others.  And when you move here you have no idea which camp you are going to fall into.

It isn’t who you know.  It just doesn’t work that way.  I didn’t know anyone when I moved to LA.  Most people don’t.  I shared an apartment with an old college buddy.  He had a commercial agent and I was sure that by knowing him, this agent would take me on.  She didn’t.

Here is how I got “discovered”.  I had been living in LA for about 2 years.  A friend wrote a TV script and wanted to do a live stage version as a way of attracting TV producers.  He asked me to play a small role.  It meant lots of rehearsal for very little stage time and no pay.  Along the way I questioned why I had agreed to do it.  But, it was very funny and he was a friend, so I agreed.  After our 3^rd performance, his manager approached me and asked if I had representation. I said, no.  She offered to represent me saying she thought I had a real future in television comedy.  Naomi is still my manager today. 

 A month later, I was doing a very strange play – a musical adaptation of the movie Nosferatu – at a small theater in Los Angeles.  I was doing it because I loved the Commedia dell’arte style of the show and the people involved.  I worked all day as a temp doing mind-numbing data entry for a medical company and then went to rehearsals for 5 hours a night, often getting home past midnight.  One night an agent came to see the play and left his card at the box office asking to meet me.  He became my first agent.

Now, that sounds easy right?  Well, that was all after 2 years of working as a temp, doing every acting gig I could find – usually for no pay, borrowing money to buy a new engine for my car and wearing a pair of shoes with a hole in them because I couldn’t afford anything else.  Did I mention my living room curtain was made from a torn bed sheet?  It was another 3 years before I got my first speaking part on a TV show.  That show was Spin City.  (I played a waitress in a scene where the girl playing Charlie Sheens crazy date threw bread at me.)

Every year I did a little more than the year before.  My first 5 years I probably earned between $100 – $2,000 a year from acting.  Year 6 brought me some of my biggest success and I only made $8,000 from acting.  But, I put a lot more money into my career than that.  Headshots are expensive.  The photo session and getting prints can run anywhere from $500-$800. Classes range from $150-500 a month.  It costs $1,200 to join SAG once you are eligible.  And apartments are crazy expensive.  $700 – $1,000 for a crappy apartment that you share with at least one roommate.  Its no wonder my living room curtain was a bed sheet.

So, how did I get The Office?  Spin City was cast by Allison Jones.  She also casts The Office.  She became a fan of mine through a series of auditions.  I kept going into her office year after year auditioning for different things.  I got some and not others but she kept bringing me back.  I developed a relationship with her – not because I met her at a party and we schmoozed – but because I had proven to her over the course of many years that I was a reliable and serious actor capable of providing a consistent body of work.  That is what this business is all about – from a real working actors perspective.  Allison remembered me when it was time to cast The Office.  She called me to audition and I finally got the part.

Thankfully, I’m not struggling financially like many other actors here. I have a steady job as a tech PR consultant that pays the bills. I’m incredibly fortunate to have the best of both worlds. It’s so important to have a job outside of acting. Given the small amount of money an actor makes when starting out, one can’t rely on acting to pay bills. Otherwise, you’ll be constantly stressed and won’t be able to enjoy the journey.

Jenna also talks about how friends and family don’t quite understand the biz. I get asked all the time from friends and family back east “when am I going to see you on TV?” Folks, it’s going to take time so please be patient. This is a process and I have a lot to learn.  Like any job/career, it takes time to move up the ladder.

It will be hard to explain your first milestones to friends and family back home.  They are waiting to see you on TV or on the big screen.  It is hard to explain how a 2^nd callback for a job you didn’t land was the highlight of your month and a very valid reason to celebrate.  I remember one year my proudest moment was at an audition for a really slutty bar maid on a new TV show.  It was written for a Pam Anderson type.  I thought, “I can never pull this off.  I just don’t have the sex appeal.  I feel stupid.  No one is going to take me seriously.”  But, I committed to the role and gave the best audition I could.  I didn’t get the job.  I didn’t get a callback.  But I conquered my rambling, fear-driven brain and went balls out on the audition anyway.  That was a huge milestone for me – but hard to explain at Christmas.  A year later I booked the role of a trashy prostitute in a little indie movie called Employee of the Month.  In the past I would have turned down the audition thinking that I would embarrass myself.  But after that earlier breakthrough I felt confident.  The success is not always in getting the part but in the seed that is planted.  

I have countless examples like the one Jenna describes above. I have small wins and count every one as a milestone. The auditioning process is crazy, and I’m getting stronger, smarter and more confident with each audition.

As an FYI, Jenna did not land The Office until year 8. Her colleagues on the show have similar stories — it took Rainn Wilson almost 10 years to become a recognized actor, and Steve Carell had been working at it for almost two decades.

For me now, it’s all about having a balanced life. Between PR consulting, acting, writing and volunteering, I have this. I’m grateful for this balance. As far as the acting, I’m working on my craft. We’ll see where it takes me, but for now, I’m certainly enjoying the journey.

Gratitude means thankfulness, counting your blessings, noticing simple pleasures, and acknowledging everything that you receive. It means learning to live your life as if everything were a miracle, and being aware on a continuous basis of how much you’ve been given. Gratitude shifts your focus from what your life lacks to the abundance that is already present.

I found it interesting that on the same day I was writing about gratitude, my girlfriend posted the above-mentioned quote (by Marelisa Fabrega, author of Abundance Blog) on Facebook. It’s such a beautiful quote and summed up perfectly what I was trying to communicate that I opened this post with it.

I live by this credo today. It wasn’t always like that though.

Let me start by paying homage to my mother, Patricia Balsofiore. One of her favorite things to say to me, especially as of late, is “be grateful for the things you have, Kristin.” I never really got what she was trying to say until this year.  This journey has opened my eyes up in so many ways.

When I feel overwhelmed or down, I start to list all the things I’m grateful for in life. There are so many people worse off than you and me. People who don’t have good health, a roof over their heads, food to eat…. How can I complain?

I’m thankful for so much, and as time goes by here, the list keeps growing and growing. What am I grateful for?

For one, I appreciate the simple things now. I never did before. I overlooked so many of life’s wonderful little joys.

What else? I’m grateful for my accomplishments and the progress made since moving to LA. Due to events that took place in 2010, my priorities shifted (for one, health and happiness superseded money and career). I came here to have a more balanced and richer life, to enjoy a higher quality of living, to find my inner artist, to pursue a dream, and to experience another coast.   Check. Check. Check. Check. Check.

Also, the people! I touched on this in a recent post. I want to express my deepest appreciation to some wonderful people. Each and every one of them has helped me in some special way. Some were small favors that folks did out of the kindness of their hearts. Then there were more profound gestures that opened doors and led to amazing opportunities.

With that, I want to thank:

– my family, friends  and boyfriend, who all supported my decision to embark on this journey and have offered continuous words of encouragement

– the handsome, charismatic actor, Alberti, whom I met at Margie Haber Studios; he brought me to WEHO and is now my guardian angel

– my first female friend in LA, Kari, who provided me with a safe and beautiful home when I first got here, and since then, has become a dear friend

– my first acting coach, Eden, who pushed me to question things, ask difficult questions and realize what I truly want out of this experience

– my old colleague from the Northern VA tech community, Pamela, who offered me a great writing opportunity

– Steve, a talented and successful web designer and artist, who built Damn the Odds practically for nothing; he continues to demonstrate patience when I approach him with my IT-related questions

– my local tech guru, Kurt, who helped me navigate the local tech scene; it was because of him that I landed my first PR client in LA

– Emilio, a BMW sales executive and beloved family man, whom I dragged out of a grocery store to fix my old Benz; he’s helped me more than once now on my car-related issues

-Robih, owner of a body shop, who fixed my convertible top at no charge

– Michael, the nation’s top reality entertainment lawyer, who let me pick his brain on the industry and introduced me to a successful casting director

– Karen, a successful casting director, who let me tag along an intimate lunch with friends and gave me some invaluable insight about the biz

-Cyrus, a talented filmmaker, who always extended an invitation to me when I didn’t know anyone

-the Nashville-based financial wiz, Michael, for his time and advice

– Miguel, the hardest working actor I know; he’s what motivated me to kick it up a few notches

I’m a very lucky girl to have people like this in my life. I have a feeling this is a living and breathing list, and that I will be adding to it regularly.

Listen, everyone has hardships. Times get tough. Trust me though, if you appreciate what you have, you’ll be a much happier and more positive person. I’m not telling you how to think, I’m just telling you what has worked for me. Do what you want with this advice

If you want to read more about this philosophy, here’s a good post.

Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music – the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.

I’ve changed since my move out here. I’ve grown in many ways and am a hell of a lot stronger. I think and live differently.  Let me give a few examples.

Once a clothes whore – shoes and handbags were my weaknesses – I didn’t care how much money I spent on them. Today, I love second-hand stores (Crossroads on Santa Monica Blvd is great!).

When it came to dining out, I ate at the finest restaurants, sipping down my $15 goose and sodas without a worry. And today? While I do eat at fabulous restaurant on occasion, I mostly cook at home. That’s right!  I can cook (and am a bloody good one too).  My friends back home can’t believe this. My cooking skills were non-existent at best. I was never in the kitchen and ate take out for most meals, spending a ridiculous part of my annual salary on dining out/entertainment. That was then…..

What else is different? I’m inspired all the time. I am affected by things that I didn’t even notice before.

Inspiration is everywhere around you – just open your eyes. For some, that may be opening your minds and hearts. I don’t mean this to be derogatory in any way. I was once a person who was totally consumed by work. Always had my head down and never enjoyed the beauty around me. Today, I appreciate (and actively look for) the universe’s little gifts. I get joy and inspiration from nature, quiet moments, human kindness, other artists…..

One of the things I love about LA is its people. This town is full of inspiration and inspiring people.  I enjoy hearing peoples’ stories, and on the tough days, this keeps me going.  Let me share with you…..

With my writer girlfriend, Heather, in tow, I attended James Hallett’s “Exploration into Imagery and Dream Work for Actors and Artists” workshop.  James has an interesting background. With an MFA in Acting from Yale, he went onto become a professional actor in NYC. He then apprenticed for seven years and became a practitioner of DreamWork and Imagery Techniques. What is that, you ask?

James Hallett

James’ course blends Acting and Dream Work as a path to opening and empowering the actor’s creative genius. It uses the imagination to break through to a new level of presence, clarity, and power in auditions and performance.Fortunately for Heather and me, the class was small so we got one-one-one attention from James. He asked us to go back to our childhood and talk with our inner child.  Much of what he said validated what I read in the Artist’s Way. After some tears and discussion, I realized some things that were holding me back, most of which were driven by fear and childhood memories. My girlfriend walked away with a similar experience.  There is something to his work – I found it to be very beneficial.

Jack Plotnick also motivates me. Let me start by saying that I am the worst kind of worrier (thank you nana Martell). I am always in my head thinking about the what-ifs and different scenario of how situations could play out.  Getting out of my head is a challenge. It started to affect my auditioning and got me down in the dumps. Thank you  Jack Plotnic, this is not longer a debilitating problem.  He gives you another approach.  I’m working daily with affirmations – which is very new to me.  But, it works!!!!!  I have an entirely new mentality on my acting and with other things in my life.  Trust me, you want to “New Thoughts for Actors.”  Many of the principles can be applied to other things beyond acting.

Jack Plotnick

If you’re dealing with psychological roadblocks, I highly recommend these guys. So, how did James and Jack help me specifically?I took off 8+ months to focus solely on my PR business, so when I re-engaged as an artist, it was overwhelming. Thanks to them, I’m re-energized and have a more positive outlook. I’m excited for the future and plan to enjoy the ride more.  I AM ready to take my craft to the next level and will be patient with and forgiving of myself during the process.   I’m working on becoming fearless!

I’m not new to volunteering — I’ve done it throughout my life.  An experience that I regularly think of is my time as a Big Sister with the Big Brother/Big Sister organization in Boston.   The need was far greater to have mentors for boys, so I was a big sister to a 7-year-old boy named Frankie from South Boston.  He lived with his sister and parents in a small one bedroom apartment in the projects of Southie. I spent the day with him once a week. Despite my efforts to help him learn and expand his horizon with cultural/history-related trips/activities, all he ever wanted to do is to go to the arcade in Dorchester and play video games. Dah, Kristin???  This is what most little boys want to do.  I didn’t know…  Anyway, the sad thing is I lost touch with Frankie when I moved to DC.  Hmmm, I wonder what happened to him?

So, fast forward to the present in LA.  I started researching non-profits shortly after I got here. Shame on me for just now acting on it.  Albeit a little late in the game, I finally found a great organization to support – the Concern Foundation.  Founded in the late 60’s, it’s dedicated to raising and granting funds to support cancer research worldwide.  Concern Foundation is a rarity in the non-profit world as it maintains an administration overhead of 5 per cent or less, which means about 95 cents of very dollar goes directly toward research. This is made possible by remaining primarily volunteer driven.  Concern has provided grants to more than 650 gifted cancer researchers at major institutions locally, nationally and around the world; more than $45M has been raised and granted.

An important part of the org’s efforts are with kids.  On December 11, I volunteered at the annual Holiday Party, which took place on the grounds of Paramount Studios.   Concern invited children from Children’s Hospital Los Angeles, City of Hope National Medical Center, UCLA Medical Center, Kaiser Permanente Sunset, and Camp Ronald McDonald.  More than 150 kids showed up.  This event is not just for the children – it’s for their families too.  There were approximately 600 guests that day.

When I arrived at Paramount, the organizers and volunteers were mingling.   I didn’t know anyone so my first line of business was to introduce myself to the event coordinator.  She informed me to sit tight until the guests arrived.   I made use of time by meeting as many volunteers as possible.  I learned quickly that this is a multi-generational organization – generations of families were working side by side.  I’m told that Concern is being now run by the second and third generations but that the majority of the original 15 founding couples are still actively involved.   This is very much a family affair.  As an outsider coming into this close-knit community, everyone was very welcoming and friendly to me.

When the children and families arrived, we escorted them into the theatre.  As they watched a movie, the volunteers set up – unloading trucks, setting up the tents and different stations.  As guests exited the theatre, everyone received a bag of candy.   For the next four hours, guests moved around to different tents –cookie decorating, arts-n-crafts, beauty/make-over (for moms), Santa Claus and gifts (each family received a large garbage bag of toys), food, and dancing.   My job was to interact with the kids and do what it takes to get them to have fun. I bounced around to different areas, but I spent most of my time in one particular area. For those who know me, I am sure you can guess where.  The dance floor!   The DJ, Dwayne Brown of D’City Sound & Event Production, was amazing.  He’s fabulous with children and has a knack of getting everyone involved, even those who wanted to remain on the sidelines.  Eventually, they got up there.   By the end of the day, the dance floor was packed with kids.

As for me, I had a blast with the kids.  There were some kids that gravitated to me…my moves on the dance floor must have impressed them.  LOL. Then, there were a few whom I scared and sent running to their parents.  They did NOT want to dance.  Everyone was having fun.  I didn’t see anyone who was not smiling.  A job well done, Concern Foundation!

This was such a special day for me – one that I will never forget.  I got so much enjoyment watching these kids just be kids.  It was equally moving when parents would come up and thank you and Concern for giving their child this.  I had a woman who said to me, “thank you, she hasn’t smiled in a long time.”  Ahhh………I teared up many times during the day.

Concern is a fabulous org to be part of, and I plan to get more involved with it.  If you’re interested in learning how you can help, please contact Megan at Concern.  She can be reached at (310) 360-6100 or megan@concernfoundation.org.

Giving is a much more powerful feeling than receiving.  For me, it reminds me of what I’ve got and what I’m grateful for.  It’s a good way to bring you back down to reality.  We forget how lucky we are, and although we face a hurdle here and there, or go through a hardship(s) in life, there are people who are much worse off/have less than us.  So, be grateful for what you have.  And, if you don’t know what that is, take some time and think about it.  You’ll get a new perspective.

“Life is hard. It’s hard for everybody. We all imagine that somebody else has it figured out yet when you meet the people who you think actually do have it all you find out that life is hard for everybody.

I point that out because one of my favorite quotes in the world (and one I often repeat) is that “life is 10% how you make it and 90% how you take it.” It’s not a recommendation that you don’t have to put in effort to make your life better. It’s an acknowledgement that whatever the outcomes in your life you can choose to be happy or choose to be miserable.

I have a friend who I estimate is worth about $500 million. I have another friend who’s a billionaire. We all used to spend a lot of time together. I always regretted that the former lived this crazy life where he saw his kids less than I thought was right because he was always on an airplane in search of his next deal. He was a bit of a deal junkie. Yet what I think drove him more than anything was a sense that he was “behind” our other friend.

I live in complete bliss knowing that I likely won’t ever come even close to that level. It’s sort of liberating not feeling the need to even try. But I have a wonderful family, a job I enjoy and a life for which I’m grateful. My life isn’t perfect – there’s always something that I know I should be doing to make it better. But I choose happiness. And my main point is that I truly believe that happiness is just that – a choice…

So remember whatever adversity you’re facing, many of the people you admire today have struggled too. We didn’t all have it easy. We weren’t all born with a silver spoon in our mouths. We didn’t all hit it big by 30.

You can choose to be defeatist or to pull your socks up and try again – harder this time. Enjoy the journey and not just the destination otherwise even when you arrive you may not find the happiness you were looking for, as I suspect my $500 million friend has not.”

Friends, this is simple, straightforward advice, right?  BUT, we all know that simple does not equal easy.  Trust me, I know.   This year has been a whirlwind for me, due in no small part to the fact that I am on an improbable journey.  Lots of ups and downs. It wasn’t until this year that I truly understood Mark’s point.  I get it now…FINALLY And, it’s making this journey much easier.

I wrote a post a couple weeks ago about how I embrace the little things in life…because they make me smile.   Here’s an awesome website that I found (thanks to Mark) and visit regularly.  If you want tips on how to be happier, go to “Ten Tips for Being Happier.”

Here’s my two cents……Life can be a bitch.  We will go through hard times.  Everyone does.   But, we CAN’T let setbacks and challenges trigger feelings of self-doubt and pessimism, or become road blocks to achieving our goals.

I believe we all have the power to be happy.  Happiness is in our hands.   It’s a choice.  There are many things in life of which we have no control…so why not choose to be happy and go through life with a positive attitude?   Who wants the alternative?  Not me, that’s for sure.  What do you choose?

I’m a planner, so suffice it to say I spent a good amount of time thinking about this move before  it happened.  I thought through possible challenges, created a plan, dotted my i’s and crossed my t’s.  I’m also a realist.  I had realistic expectations about how challenging it would to break into the acting biz.  Well, friends, it turns out that I underestimated the psychological and emotional impact of making a bi-coastal move, starting from the bottom, and dealing with change and uncertainty would have on me.

Rewind to five months ago.  Summer was good.   I was in a groove — things were happening.  I had a bunch of little successes.  Then fall came, and a whole slew of unexpected issues blew in.   The last couple months have been quite challenging.  I’ll spare you the details.   Let’s just say, it’s definitely DEFINITELY testing my strength.

Any time I meet someone new and tell my story, they usually reply with “Wow, that’s brave!”  Then, they inevitably ask how I’m coping with it all. Quite honestly, it’s a combination of multiple things, including prayer, exercise and support from friends and family.  But there’s one thing I want to elaborate on because it had such a profound impact on me: the little things in life.

Life’s simplest things bring a smile to my face and can easily put me in a better mood.   It wasn’t always like that.  Before the move, I took for granted these things.   But, when you’re going through such an emotional journey, you HAVE to find happiness and comfort wherever possible.

shampoo guy, me and Yuki

My first realization of this happened during a haircut… a few months after the big move.   This was the longest I’ve gone without a cut in my life.   I remember that I was having a shitty day.  I can’t recall the specifics of that day now but I know it wasn’t a good one.    I walked into the salon with a bunch of problems and concerns on my mind.  A couple minutes into the shampoo, something in my brain went off.  I remember thinking …… “Relax, Kristin.  Enjoy the moment.  Who knows when you will be able to afford this again?”  From that point, I made an effort to quiet my mind, put my worries aside, and just relax and enjoy the head massage.   A smile soon came to my face.   And, that was it.  I then had a lovely chat with my now go-to stylist, Yuki Nakatani.  (He’s one of my fav people in LA.)   I told him my story and his reaction and support for what I did re-energized me.   I walked out of Gavert Atelier happy, optimistic, ready to take on the world.   With a boost of confidence from the amazing cut combined with my can-do attitude, I sashayed down Wilshire Boulevard liked I was one of the Beverly Hills Housewives.    This experience gave me a new appreciation for going to the salon.  More importantly, it led to a new way of thinking.

After that experience, I opened my eyes to everything, looking for things that made me smile.  Driving down a palm tree-lined road does it for me.  Working on the beach.   My hikes at Runyon.    There’s nothing like hiking up the canyon before sunrise and jogging down as the sun comes up.   On a clear day, you can see all the way to the ocean.   A smile from a stranger on the road.  Give one and you probably will get one back.   I find myself smiling and saying hello to complete strangers all the time.  Be prepared – you will not always get one back.  Nevertheless it feels good.   It does something to me.

Music can do it too.   When I first moved here, Nick Minaj’s hit song Moment 4 Life just came out and played on the radio all the time.  Every time I heard this song, I was instantaneously happier. This song could (and still does) change my mood, and MORE IMPORTANTLY, reminds me why I moved out here.…… Live life to the fullest!

Friends, here’s what I think.  Life is in the details.  Find and celebrate the little joys in life.  You’ll find life is so much more satisfying this way.  For me, the little things in life make the tough times bearable.  No matter how hard life gets, you can always find something to smile at.  Smiling is a great way of putting out positive energy.  With this comes positive thinking and positive thinking brings good things and results.    That’s what I believe, and I am sticking to it.

“Man needs, for his happiness, not only the enjoyment of this or that, but hope and enterprise and change.”
   — Bertrand Russell

It’s impacted me greatly during this journey so I want to share it with you.   As you may know, I have been battling some inner resistance. Like many artists, fear was holding me back.  Still not quite sure of what I was afraid of…fear of bankruptcy, fear of being selfish by leaving a loved one behind, fear of failure, fear of throwing away what I worked so hard to achieve.  Or, was it fear of success and what that means to my strong desire to have a family one day? Who knows, who cares!

One of my acting coaches recited the lyrics to this song after I had a small breakdown in class.  I read this when I feel down and recently had a breakthrough. I hope the song inspires and helps people like it did for me.

There are countless stories online about how this song has moved people to do great things.  One I just read is associated with Robert Kennedy’s long-shot Presidency campaign.

In 1968, George McGovern quoted The Impossible Dream while introducing Kennedy at an event.  Kennedy then asked McGovern if he thought it was impossible.  McGovern’s response…”No I don’t think it’s impossible.  I wanted the audience to understand it’s worth making the effort – whether you win or lose.”

Yes, love it!  This is the message I hope Damn the Odds conveys.