Gratitude means thankfulness, counting your blessings, noticing simple pleasures, and acknowledging everything that you receive. It means learning to live your life as if everything were a miracle, and being aware on a continuous basis of how much you’ve been given. Gratitude shifts your focus from what your life lacks to the abundance that is already present.

I found it interesting that on the same day I was writing about gratitude, my girlfriend posted the above-mentioned quote (by Marelisa Fabrega, author of Abundance Blog) on Facebook. It’s such a beautiful quote and summed up perfectly what I was trying to communicate that I opened this post with it.

I live by this credo today. It wasn’t always like that though.

Let me start by paying homage to my mother, Patricia Balsofiore. One of her favorite things to say to me, especially as of late, is “be grateful for the things you have, Kristin.” I never really got what she was trying to say until this year.  This journey has opened my eyes up in so many ways.

When I feel overwhelmed or down, I start to list all the things I’m grateful for in life. There are so many people worse off than you and me. People who don’t have good health, a roof over their heads, food to eat…. How can I complain?

I’m thankful for so much, and as time goes by here, the list keeps growing and growing. What am I grateful for?

For one, I appreciate the simple things now. I never did before. I overlooked so many of life’s wonderful little joys.

What else? I’m grateful for my accomplishments and the progress made since moving to LA. Due to events that took place in 2010, my priorities shifted (for one, health and happiness superseded money and career). I came here to have a more balanced and richer life, to enjoy a higher quality of living, to find my inner artist, to pursue a dream, and to experience another coast.   Check. Check. Check. Check. Check.

Also, the people! I touched on this in a recent post. I want to express my deepest appreciation to some wonderful people. Each and every one of them has helped me in some special way. Some were small favors that folks did out of the kindness of their hearts. Then there were more profound gestures that opened doors and led to amazing opportunities.

With that, I want to thank:

– my family, friends  and boyfriend, who all supported my decision to embark on this journey and have offered continuous words of encouragement

– the handsome, charismatic actor, Alberti, whom I met at Margie Haber Studios; he brought me to WEHO and is now my guardian angel

– my first female friend in LA, Kari, who provided me with a safe and beautiful home when I first got here, and since then, has become a dear friend

– my first acting coach, Eden, who pushed me to question things, ask difficult questions and realize what I truly want out of this experience

– my old colleague from the Northern VA tech community, Pamela, who offered me a great writing opportunity

– Steve, a talented and successful web designer and artist, who built Damn the Odds practically for nothing; he continues to demonstrate patience when I approach him with my IT-related questions

– my local tech guru, Kurt, who helped me navigate the local tech scene; it was because of him that I landed my first PR client in LA

– Emilio, a BMW sales executive and beloved family man, whom I dragged out of a grocery store to fix my old Benz; he’s helped me more than once now on my car-related issues

-Robih, owner of a body shop, who fixed my convertible top at no charge

– Michael, the nation’s top reality entertainment lawyer, who let me pick his brain on the industry and introduced me to a successful casting director

– Karen, a successful casting director, who let me tag along an intimate lunch with friends and gave me some invaluable insight about the biz

-Cyrus, a talented filmmaker, who always extended an invitation to me when I didn’t know anyone

-the Nashville-based financial wiz, Michael, for his time and advice

– Miguel, the hardest working actor I know; he’s what motivated me to kick it up a few notches

I’m a very lucky girl to have people like this in my life. I have a feeling this is a living and breathing list, and that I will be adding to it regularly.

Listen, everyone has hardships. Times get tough. Trust me though, if you appreciate what you have, you’ll be a much happier and more positive person. I’m not telling you how to think, I’m just telling you what has worked for me. Do what you want with this advice

If you want to read more about this philosophy, here’s a good post.

I’ve changed since my move out here. I’ve grown in many ways and am a hell of a lot stronger. I think and live differently.  Let me give a few examples.

Once a clothes whore – shoes and handbags were my weaknesses – I didn’t care how much money I spent on them. Today, I love second-hand stores (Crossroads on Santa Monica Blvd is great!).

When it came to dining out, I ate at the finest restaurants, sipping down my $15 goose and sodas without a worry. And today? While I do eat at fabulous restaurant on occasion, I mostly cook at home. That’s right!  I can cook (and am a bloody good one too).  My friends back home can’t believe this. My cooking skills were non-existent at best. I was never in the kitchen and ate take out for most meals, spending a ridiculous part of my annual salary on dining out/entertainment. That was then…..

What else is different? I’m inspired all the time. I am affected by things that I didn’t even notice before.

Inspiration is everywhere around you – just open your eyes. For some, that may be opening your minds and hearts. I don’t mean this to be derogatory in any way. I was once a person who was totally consumed by work. Always had my head down and never enjoyed the beauty around me. Today, I appreciate (and actively look for) the universe’s little gifts. I get joy and inspiration from nature, quiet moments, human kindness, other artists…..

One of the things I love about LA is its people. This town is full of inspiration and inspiring people.  I enjoy hearing peoples’ stories, and on the tough days, this keeps me going.  Let me share with you…..

With my writer girlfriend, Heather, in tow, I attended James Hallett’s “Exploration into Imagery and Dream Work for Actors and Artists” workshop.  James has an interesting background. With an MFA in Acting from Yale, he went onto become a professional actor in NYC. He then apprenticed for seven years and became a practitioner of DreamWork and Imagery Techniques. What is that, you ask?

James Hallett

James’ course blends Acting and Dream Work as a path to opening and empowering the actor’s creative genius. It uses the imagination to break through to a new level of presence, clarity, and power in auditions and performance.Fortunately for Heather and me, the class was small so we got one-one-one attention from James. He asked us to go back to our childhood and talk with our inner child.  Much of what he said validated what I read in the Artist’s Way. After some tears and discussion, I realized some things that were holding me back, most of which were driven by fear and childhood memories. My girlfriend walked away with a similar experience.  There is something to his work – I found it to be very beneficial.

Jack Plotnick also motivates me. Let me start by saying that I am the worst kind of worrier (thank you nana Martell). I am always in my head thinking about the what-ifs and different scenario of how situations could play out.  Getting out of my head is a challenge. It started to affect my auditioning and got me down in the dumps. Thank you  Jack Plotnic, this is not longer a debilitating problem.  He gives you another approach.  I’m working daily with affirmations – which is very new to me.  But, it works!!!!!  I have an entirely new mentality on my acting and with other things in my life.  Trust me, you want to “New Thoughts for Actors.”  Many of the principles can be applied to other things beyond acting.

Jack Plotnick

If you’re dealing with psychological roadblocks, I highly recommend these guys. So, how did James and Jack help me specifically?I took off 8+ months to focus solely on my PR business, so when I re-engaged as an artist, it was overwhelming. Thanks to them, I’m re-energized and have a more positive outlook. I’m excited for the future and plan to enjoy the ride more.  I AM ready to take my craft to the next level and will be patient with and forgiving of myself during the process.   I’m working on becoming fearless!

Coming into this, I thought I had realistic expectations of what a bi-coastal move and change would do to me. Nope! I had no idea. Leaving stability and financial security, and moving 3000 miles away from friends and family bring lots of emotion.

Thankfully, I’ve made it through major hurdles and am stronger for it. There will always be bumps in the roads, hurdles to jump over, punches that knock you down…….Get up! Push through! Persevere! Take one day at a time!

I’m a planner, so suffice it to say I spent a good amount of time thinking about this move before  it happened.  I thought through possible challenges, created a plan, dotted my i’s and crossed my t’s.  I’m also a realist.  I had realistic expectations about how challenging it would to break into the acting biz.  Well, friends, it turns out that I underestimated the psychological and emotional impact of making a bi-coastal move, starting from the bottom, and dealing with change and uncertainty would have on me.

Rewind to five months ago.  Summer was good.   I was in a groove — things were happening.  I had a bunch of little successes.  Then fall came, and a whole slew of unexpected issues blew in.   The last couple months have been quite challenging.  I’ll spare you the details.   Let’s just say, it’s definitely DEFINITELY testing my strength.

Any time I meet someone new and tell my story, they usually reply with “Wow, that’s brave!”  Then, they inevitably ask how I’m coping with it all. Quite honestly, it’s a combination of multiple things, including prayer, exercise and support from friends and family.  But there’s one thing I want to elaborate on because it had such a profound impact on me: the little things in life.

Life’s simplest things bring a smile to my face and can easily put me in a better mood.   It wasn’t always like that.  Before the move, I took for granted these things.   But, when you’re going through such an emotional journey, you HAVE to find happiness and comfort wherever possible.

shampoo guy, me and Yuki

My first realization of this happened during a haircut… a few months after the big move.   This was the longest I’ve gone without a cut in my life.   I remember that I was having a shitty day.  I can’t recall the specifics of that day now but I know it wasn’t a good one.    I walked into the salon with a bunch of problems and concerns on my mind.  A couple minutes into the shampoo, something in my brain went off.  I remember thinking …… “Relax, Kristin.  Enjoy the moment.  Who knows when you will be able to afford this again?”  From that point, I made an effort to quiet my mind, put my worries aside, and just relax and enjoy the head massage.   A smile soon came to my face.   And, that was it.  I then had a lovely chat with my now go-to stylist, Yuki Nakatani.  (He’s one of my fav people in LA.)   I told him my story and his reaction and support for what I did re-energized me.   I walked out of Gavert Atelier happy, optimistic, ready to take on the world.   With a boost of confidence from the amazing cut combined with my can-do attitude, I sashayed down Wilshire Boulevard liked I was one of the Beverly Hills Housewives.    This experience gave me a new appreciation for going to the salon.  More importantly, it led to a new way of thinking.

After that experience, I opened my eyes to everything, looking for things that made me smile.  Driving down a palm tree-lined road does it for me.  Working on the beach.   My hikes at Runyon.    There’s nothing like hiking up the canyon before sunrise and jogging down as the sun comes up.   On a clear day, you can see all the way to the ocean.   A smile from a stranger on the road.  Give one and you probably will get one back.   I find myself smiling and saying hello to complete strangers all the time.  Be prepared – you will not always get one back.  Nevertheless it feels good.   It does something to me.

Music can do it too.   When I first moved here, Nick Minaj’s hit song Moment 4 Life just came out and played on the radio all the time.  Every time I heard this song, I was instantaneously happier. This song could (and still does) change my mood, and MORE IMPORTANTLY, reminds me why I moved out here.…… Live life to the fullest!

Friends, here’s what I think.  Life is in the details.  Find and celebrate the little joys in life.  You’ll find life is so much more satisfying this way.  For me, the little things in life make the tough times bearable.  No matter how hard life gets, you can always find something to smile at.  Smiling is a great way of putting out positive energy.  With this comes positive thinking and positive thinking brings good things and results.    That’s what I believe, and I am sticking to it.

A famous actor (there is debate about who actually said it), lying on his deathbed, was asked by a friend, “Is it hard, this dying?””No,” replied the actor. “Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.”

Well, folks, I can attest to that.  I just wrapped up a six week sitcom workshop with Emmy Award-winning actor Brad Garrett at the Larry Moss Studios/Edgemar Center for the Arts.  In the class, we explored what it takes to have great comedic instincts from one of the great comedic actors of my time.  What a remarkable experience.   I learned a great deal, including the fact that that I have a lot more to learn about comedic acting.

Acting classes are expensive in LA so when we actors find one that’s worth the money, it’s fantastic.  I highly recommend this class.  Brad’s fabulous.  He not only has the gift of funny but he’s an amazing coach.  I found him to be on point with his redirects, inspirational, surprisingly humble, and refreshingly candid about the biz.  He shared his experiences in dealing with the politics of Hollywood and his ongoing displeasure with auditioning.   I really took what he said to heart.

On the first class, Brad emphasized, “It’s all about the craft!  It has to be or you will get destroyed by the rejection and pressures of Hollywood.  Your craft can never be taken away from you.”   Boy, that is the truth.  This is a tough business on so many levels.   I am not as thick skinned and resilient as I thought – but I’m happy to report I’m getting stronger.

Brad also talked the about the “Four F’s” – Freedom, Finds, Funny, and Fearless.   The last one really hit home because this is something that I’m struggling with regularly. Speaking truthfully to you, I have an unwanted companion on this journey of mine…. an internal demon that I can’t shake.  I allude to it in my 8/11 post titled “Self-doubt is a bitch.” Call it fear of failure (or is it fear of success?), I really don’t know.  I can argue it both ways.  It doesn’t really matter what it is at this point.  Bottom line – it’s a roadblock, and I need to deal with and say goodbye to it ASAP.  This is another topic for another day though.  Blogging is a process of self-development, so I’ll be writing again about this soon.    So, pertaining to Brad’s 4^th F, I am on a quest to become fearless.  I am not quite sure how to do this yet.  Open to suggestions though.

The final class was an industry showcase, where we performed in front of a panel of experts — Jim Vallely, a TV producer and screenwriter (for some of my all-time favorite shows such as Arrested Development and Golden Girls), sought-after casting
director Susan Vash, The King of Queens Director Rob Schiller, plus an actor, an acting
coach, and a literary agent.   My partner and friend, LA-based actress Rachael Simone, and I performed a scene from the hit series Friends.  The performances were taped.   Unfortunately, the camera was positioned behind me so I’m not sure if the video will turn out.   If decent, I will upload to Damn the Odds. Stay tuned…

• Tame the mind – I’m staying positive.  Success or failure is in the mind.  We usually focus on reasons why we will fail instead of looking at why we’ll succeed.  The time and energy has a greater return on investment if we stay positive.  I’m reading Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way.  It is a 12-week course on discovering your creative self.   It’s taught me to use daily affirmations (positive statements of positive beliefs) to combat doubtful thoughts.  So far, so good.  I will NOT let self-doubt sabotage me!   Not sure how I’ll feel once I start auditioning.
• Stay focused and determined – Self-doubt is definitely testing how strong my will is.  The cancer was a brief setback, but I didn’t give up.   I have new struggles though…like trying to stay productive and motivated.   I just created a work-back plan with short and long-term objectives, deadlines, daily to-do lists, contacts sheets, etc.   This seems to be helping keep me on track.  The list lover in me gets great satisfaction by scratching to-dos off…it gives me a feeling of accomplishment.
• Celebrate successes – I’ve started to acknowledge accomplishments.   In the first few weeks, I focused on things that were not done and didn’t recognize what I had already accomplished…like moving to California.  I mean…most people don’t get that far.   It was a friend who helped me realize this.  She said, “most people never make the leap.  You did it.”    She is right!  I did.  Moving forward, I will continue to cement positive emotions in my mind.
• Amass supporters and say goodbye to critics – I’m tilting the playing field to my advantage by finding people who believe in and support me.  Corporate America taught me that it IS all about who you know.  I’ve been fortunate to work alongside brilliant people in the technology community.  And now, I’m seeking out people who have succeeded in this business.    I know there’s a lot to learn.   I’m also disassociating myself with people who pull me down with doubt and negative energy.   I’m not going to let anyone dampen my spirit.

I’m sure self-doubt will continue to plague me at times but I’m taking steps not to let it become an obstacle.   I’m not sure anyone can say goodbye to it (it is, in fact, a human emotion) but when it happens, I hope to find strength from it to push me ahead.

Two days after the surgery

I mean, really? Who would ever have thunk it?  A routine procedure to remove a mole turned into a diagnosis of melanoma.   It was a small normal-looking mole on the side of my neck, one which did not fall under the warning sign.  Even the dermatologist questioned why I wanted it off.   Purely for cosmetic reasons.  And as mom said, “for once in your life, vanity paid off.”  It saved my life.

I was asked to return to the office the following week.  Yikes, that’s never good.   AND, it wasn’t.  It turned out I had skin cancer.   My first reaction?  Disbelief.  How could this be?  Sure, I am a fair skinned, blue-eyed blond with Irish heritage, but I wore sunscreen and hats to cover my face and neck for most of my adult life.   Then ignorance kicked in.  I did not know the different types of skin cancer, or that one was fatal.   (Melanoma has an average life expectancy of 6 months to a year if it gets into the system.)  I then dealt with regret.  I should have pursued acting earlier.  What if I don’t get the chance now?  Last emotion, of course, was fear.  Fear of the worst.  Death.  I don’t do well with health issues to begin with, and then take into consideration a mild case of hypochondria (you can thank my nana Martell for this too)…what an emotional roller coaster.  Though my odds were good this time (probability of a five-year survival is 93%), I didn’t believe it…. paid no attention to them.  I consider myself a tough girl but this rocked me.

The next day I had surgery.  I made the mistake of going alone — BAD IDEA.  Not good for several reasons but anyway….. It was agony waiting for the results – a week seemed like eternity.   Anyway, they came back….. cancer free!   What a relief.  The absence of anxiety was short lived – I had to now deal with the scar.  So heinous – I couldn’t look at or touch it for several days.   Almost six inches in length, it looked like I got my throat slit.  (If you can handle it, here’s a photo.)  You can imagine what ran through my mind about how it would affect me in Hollywood.  There’s no way to hide it at auditions.  The surgeon promised it would be unnoticeable…..look like a natural line in six months.  I was NOT optimistic at all.

And now…

So, what’s the take-away?  Life can be taken away so easily.  The event forced me to remind myself of what’s important, why I need to embark on this improbable journey.  It validated my decision to move to LA.  And now I’m here, and it is pushing me to the limits of my determination.

Friends, I would be remiss if I didn’t give a warning about the importance of getting your skin checked regularly.  If you haven’t gone to the dermatologist in a while, GO!!