I wrote last month about why little wins are important for artists.  There’s so much rejection in this business that you need to appreciate and celebrate every accomplishment…no matter how small it is. Last month, I got my first callback for a national commercial. It’s a big deal for a new actor.  And, while I didn’t book the job, being one of the few selected to come back and audition for the director and larger group (client and ad agency) was HUGE.

One of the things I learned quickly about the auditioning process is that you can’t fret over how the audition went, your performance, etc. too much. I always walk away with one lesson learned and then I forget about the audition. There are so many factors involved in the decision-making process so there’s no point to waste time and energy thinking about what went wrong.

For example, it didn’t occur to me while sitting in the waiting room that the other five women all had dark hair. After my audition, l was told they didn’t want California-type girls (blonde hair and blue eyes) cast for the role as this needed to appeal to women in different parts of the country. I asked why I was selected to come in and he said “you must have done something in your audition they liked.” That’s good enough for me! I’m doing something right…and as I always say after a bad date…..NEXT!!!

People often ask me what it’s like to be in LA pursuing acting. I recently read an awesome blog post from Jenna Fischer (who plays Pam on The Office) about her journey and how she finally made it. Her post does a good job at summing up the typical actor experience. Here are a couple excerpts from her blog:

I fully expected to be working in movies within a year of moving to LA.  That was not my reality and it is not the reality of most people who move to LA to pursue acting.  It can take a very, very, very long time to succeed in this business and my best piece of advice is to not give up.  You have to motivate yourself and just keep going.  Create projects for yourself.  Don’t whine.  The first year is the hardest followed by every anniversary up to about year 5 when you’re so beaten down you don’t notice the years passing anymore.  I have a friend who is so incredibly talented it is a crime that after 10 years in LA he still has to wait tables to make a living.  He gets acting work here and there but he can’t hold down an agent.  This business is not fair.  It is not like other businesses where if you show up, and work above and beyond everyones expectations, you are pretty much guaranteed to move up the ladder.  I don’t know why it works out for some and not for others.  And when you move here you have no idea which camp you are going to fall into.

It isn’t who you know.  It just doesn’t work that way.  I didn’t know anyone when I moved to LA.  Most people don’t.  I shared an apartment with an old college buddy.  He had a commercial agent and I was sure that by knowing him, this agent would take me on.  She didn’t.

Here is how I got “discovered”.  I had been living in LA for about 2 years.  A friend wrote a TV script and wanted to do a live stage version as a way of attracting TV producers.  He asked me to play a small role.  It meant lots of rehearsal for very little stage time and no pay.  Along the way I questioned why I had agreed to do it.  But, it was very funny and he was a friend, so I agreed.  After our 3^rd performance, his manager approached me and asked if I had representation. I said, no.  She offered to represent me saying she thought I had a real future in television comedy.  Naomi is still my manager today. 

 A month later, I was doing a very strange play – a musical adaptation of the movie Nosferatu – at a small theater in Los Angeles.  I was doing it because I loved the Commedia dell’arte style of the show and the people involved.  I worked all day as a temp doing mind-numbing data entry for a medical company and then went to rehearsals for 5 hours a night, often getting home past midnight.  One night an agent came to see the play and left his card at the box office asking to meet me.  He became my first agent.

Now, that sounds easy right?  Well, that was all after 2 years of working as a temp, doing every acting gig I could find – usually for no pay, borrowing money to buy a new engine for my car and wearing a pair of shoes with a hole in them because I couldn’t afford anything else.  Did I mention my living room curtain was made from a torn bed sheet?  It was another 3 years before I got my first speaking part on a TV show.  That show was Spin City.  (I played a waitress in a scene where the girl playing Charlie Sheens crazy date threw bread at me.)

Every year I did a little more than the year before.  My first 5 years I probably earned between $100 – $2,000 a year from acting.  Year 6 brought me some of my biggest success and I only made $8,000 from acting.  But, I put a lot more money into my career than that.  Headshots are expensive.  The photo session and getting prints can run anywhere from $500-$800. Classes range from $150-500 a month.  It costs $1,200 to join SAG once you are eligible.  And apartments are crazy expensive.  $700 – $1,000 for a crappy apartment that you share with at least one roommate.  Its no wonder my living room curtain was a bed sheet.

So, how did I get The Office?  Spin City was cast by Allison Jones.  She also casts The Office.  She became a fan of mine through a series of auditions.  I kept going into her office year after year auditioning for different things.  I got some and not others but she kept bringing me back.  I developed a relationship with her – not because I met her at a party and we schmoozed – but because I had proven to her over the course of many years that I was a reliable and serious actor capable of providing a consistent body of work.  That is what this business is all about – from a real working actors perspective.  Allison remembered me when it was time to cast The Office.  She called me to audition and I finally got the part.

Thankfully, I’m not struggling financially like many other actors here. I have a steady job as a tech PR consultant that pays the bills. I’m incredibly fortunate to have the best of both worlds. It’s so important to have a job outside of acting. Given the small amount of money an actor makes when starting out, one can’t rely on acting to pay bills. Otherwise, you’ll be constantly stressed and won’t be able to enjoy the journey.

Jenna also talks about how friends and family don’t quite understand the biz. I get asked all the time from friends and family back east “when am I going to see you on TV?” Folks, it’s going to take time so please be patient. This is a process and I have a lot to learn.  Like any job/career, it takes time to move up the ladder.

It will be hard to explain your first milestones to friends and family back home.  They are waiting to see you on TV or on the big screen.  It is hard to explain how a 2^nd callback for a job you didn’t land was the highlight of your month and a very valid reason to celebrate.  I remember one year my proudest moment was at an audition for a really slutty bar maid on a new TV show.  It was written for a Pam Anderson type.  I thought, “I can never pull this off.  I just don’t have the sex appeal.  I feel stupid.  No one is going to take me seriously.”  But, I committed to the role and gave the best audition I could.  I didn’t get the job.  I didn’t get a callback.  But I conquered my rambling, fear-driven brain and went balls out on the audition anyway.  That was a huge milestone for me – but hard to explain at Christmas.  A year later I booked the role of a trashy prostitute in a little indie movie called Employee of the Month.  In the past I would have turned down the audition thinking that I would embarrass myself.  But after that earlier breakthrough I felt confident.  The success is not always in getting the part but in the seed that is planted.  

I have countless examples like the one Jenna describes above. I have small wins and count every one as a milestone. The auditioning process is crazy, and I’m getting stronger, smarter and more confident with each audition.

As an FYI, Jenna did not land The Office until year 8. Her colleagues on the show have similar stories — it took Rainn Wilson almost 10 years to become a recognized actor, and Steve Carell had been working at it for almost two decades.

For me now, it’s all about having a balanced life. Between PR consulting, acting, writing and volunteering, I have this. I’m grateful for this balance. As far as the acting, I’m working on my craft. We’ll see where it takes me, but for now, I’m certainly enjoying the journey.

Gratitude means thankfulness, counting your blessings, noticing simple pleasures, and acknowledging everything that you receive. It means learning to live your life as if everything were a miracle, and being aware on a continuous basis of how much you’ve been given. Gratitude shifts your focus from what your life lacks to the abundance that is already present.

I found it interesting that on the same day I was writing about gratitude, my girlfriend posted the above-mentioned quote (by Marelisa Fabrega, author of Abundance Blog) on Facebook. It’s such a beautiful quote and summed up perfectly what I was trying to communicate that I opened this post with it.

I live by this credo today. It wasn’t always like that though.

Let me start by paying homage to my mother, Patricia Balsofiore. One of her favorite things to say to me, especially as of late, is “be grateful for the things you have, Kristin.” I never really got what she was trying to say until this year.  This journey has opened my eyes up in so many ways.

When I feel overwhelmed or down, I start to list all the things I’m grateful for in life. There are so many people worse off than you and me. People who don’t have good health, a roof over their heads, food to eat…. How can I complain?

I’m thankful for so much, and as time goes by here, the list keeps growing and growing. What am I grateful for?

For one, I appreciate the simple things now. I never did before. I overlooked so many of life’s wonderful little joys.

What else? I’m grateful for my accomplishments and the progress made since moving to LA. Due to events that took place in 2010, my priorities shifted (for one, health and happiness superseded money and career). I came here to have a more balanced and richer life, to enjoy a higher quality of living, to find my inner artist, to pursue a dream, and to experience another coast.   Check. Check. Check. Check. Check.

Also, the people! I touched on this in a recent post. I want to express my deepest appreciation to some wonderful people. Each and every one of them has helped me in some special way. Some were small favors that folks did out of the kindness of their hearts. Then there were more profound gestures that opened doors and led to amazing opportunities.

With that, I want to thank:

– my family, friends  and boyfriend, who all supported my decision to embark on this journey and have offered continuous words of encouragement

– the handsome, charismatic actor, Alberti, whom I met at Margie Haber Studios; he brought me to WEHO and is now my guardian angel

– my first female friend in LA, Kari, who provided me with a safe and beautiful home when I first got here, and since then, has become a dear friend

– my first acting coach, Eden, who pushed me to question things, ask difficult questions and realize what I truly want out of this experience

– my old colleague from the Northern VA tech community, Pamela, who offered me a great writing opportunity

– Steve, a talented and successful web designer and artist, who built Damn the Odds practically for nothing; he continues to demonstrate patience when I approach him with my IT-related questions

– my local tech guru, Kurt, who helped me navigate the local tech scene; it was because of him that I landed my first PR client in LA

– Emilio, a BMW sales executive and beloved family man, whom I dragged out of a grocery store to fix my old Benz; he’s helped me more than once now on my car-related issues

-Robih, owner of a body shop, who fixed my convertible top at no charge

– Michael, the nation’s top reality entertainment lawyer, who let me pick his brain on the industry and introduced me to a successful casting director

– Karen, a successful casting director, who let me tag along an intimate lunch with friends and gave me some invaluable insight about the biz

-Cyrus, a talented filmmaker, who always extended an invitation to me when I didn’t know anyone

-the Nashville-based financial wiz, Michael, for his time and advice

– Miguel, the hardest working actor I know; he’s what motivated me to kick it up a few notches

I’m a very lucky girl to have people like this in my life. I have a feeling this is a living and breathing list, and that I will be adding to it regularly.

Listen, everyone has hardships. Times get tough. Trust me though, if you appreciate what you have, you’ll be a much happier and more positive person. I’m not telling you how to think, I’m just telling you what has worked for me. Do what you want with this advice

If you want to read more about this philosophy, here’s a good post.

Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music – the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.

I’ve changed since my move out here. I’ve grown in many ways and am a hell of a lot stronger. I think and live differently.  Let me give a few examples.

Once a clothes whore – shoes and handbags were my weaknesses – I didn’t care how much money I spent on them. Today, I love second-hand stores (Crossroads on Santa Monica Blvd is great!).

When it came to dining out, I ate at the finest restaurants, sipping down my $15 goose and sodas without a worry. And today? While I do eat at fabulous restaurant on occasion, I mostly cook at home. That’s right!  I can cook (and am a bloody good one too).  My friends back home can’t believe this. My cooking skills were non-existent at best. I was never in the kitchen and ate take out for most meals, spending a ridiculous part of my annual salary on dining out/entertainment. That was then…..

What else is different? I’m inspired all the time. I am affected by things that I didn’t even notice before.

Inspiration is everywhere around you – just open your eyes. For some, that may be opening your minds and hearts. I don’t mean this to be derogatory in any way. I was once a person who was totally consumed by work. Always had my head down and never enjoyed the beauty around me. Today, I appreciate (and actively look for) the universe’s little gifts. I get joy and inspiration from nature, quiet moments, human kindness, other artists…..

One of the things I love about LA is its people. This town is full of inspiration and inspiring people.  I enjoy hearing peoples’ stories, and on the tough days, this keeps me going.  Let me share with you…..

With my writer girlfriend, Heather, in tow, I attended James Hallett’s “Exploration into Imagery and Dream Work for Actors and Artists” workshop.  James has an interesting background. With an MFA in Acting from Yale, he went onto become a professional actor in NYC. He then apprenticed for seven years and became a practitioner of DreamWork and Imagery Techniques. What is that, you ask?

James Hallett

James’ course blends Acting and Dream Work as a path to opening and empowering the actor’s creative genius. It uses the imagination to break through to a new level of presence, clarity, and power in auditions and performance.Fortunately for Heather and me, the class was small so we got one-one-one attention from James. He asked us to go back to our childhood and talk with our inner child.  Much of what he said validated what I read in the Artist’s Way. After some tears and discussion, I realized some things that were holding me back, most of which were driven by fear and childhood memories. My girlfriend walked away with a similar experience.  There is something to his work – I found it to be very beneficial.

Jack Plotnick also motivates me. Let me start by saying that I am the worst kind of worrier (thank you nana Martell). I am always in my head thinking about the what-ifs and different scenario of how situations could play out.  Getting out of my head is a challenge. It started to affect my auditioning and got me down in the dumps. Thank you  Jack Plotnic, this is not longer a debilitating problem.  He gives you another approach.  I’m working daily with affirmations – which is very new to me.  But, it works!!!!!  I have an entirely new mentality on my acting and with other things in my life.  Trust me, you want to “New Thoughts for Actors.”  Many of the principles can be applied to other things beyond acting.

Jack Plotnick

If you’re dealing with psychological roadblocks, I highly recommend these guys. So, how did James and Jack help me specifically?I took off 8+ months to focus solely on my PR business, so when I re-engaged as an artist, it was overwhelming. Thanks to them, I’m re-energized and have a more positive outlook. I’m excited for the future and plan to enjoy the ride more.  I AM ready to take my craft to the next level and will be patient with and forgiving of myself during the process.   I’m working on becoming fearless!

Coming into this, I thought I had realistic expectations of what a bi-coastal move and change would do to me. Nope! I had no idea. Leaving stability and financial security, and moving 3000 miles away from friends and family bring lots of emotion.

Thankfully, I’ve made it through major hurdles and am stronger for it. There will always be bumps in the roads, hurdles to jump over, punches that knock you down…….Get up! Push through! Persevere! Take one day at a time!

Prior to my move, I believed that LA was a town full of self-absorbed, egotistical pretenders. I heard this from many people, so I took it as truth. How ignorant of me….

This is simply not true. I’m meeting wonderful, genuine, cool people here and have made some amazing friendships.

Of course, I met one or two who were the stereotypical LA type but those interactions remain far and few between.  Don’t let these people affect you or sway your perception of LA.  Learn the lesson and move on.

My story? I moved here with no friends or business contacts.  I was alone.  So, here I am …a 30-something year old having to make friends all over again.  When it came to my work, I was in the same boat. I have an extensive network of business contacts, except in LA. I had to introduce myself to the local tech scene and players. And, lastly, I was a newcomer in the Hollywood entertainment circle.

In each of these areas, I’ve met people who have helped me along this journey in some way, and for that, I’m so grateful.

Take for example my PR work. When I made the decision to re-enter the tech world, I was fortunate to secure meetings with local executives and VCs, thanks to referrals from my East Coast contacts.   Everyone whom I talked to was friendly and eager to help.   These intros led to new clients and partnerships.

As far as my personal relationships, I can trace back my opportunities and successes to certain individuals. After this experience, I truly believe people come into your life (or back into) for a reason.

Sooooo, take my advice and don’t listen to the naysayers – LA is full of friendly people who want to help you succeed in this town.  Be open to the possibility that everyone whom you meet can help you get another step closer to your goal.

Hanging with great people at the Silicon Beach Fest

Well…it’s not an Oscar BUT I’lllll take it.  Here’s the story but first let me set the stage.

I’ve been fortunate throughout this crazy journey.  It seems good things happen when I need them to…like when I start to question if this new path is the right one.   I will say this happens less and less now, but there are those rare occasions when it does.  Like when I’m feeling overwhelmed about the long road ahead.  This will take years to accomplish.  I know and accept this…..but thinking about everything I need to do and my odds….it can be quite daunting. Another thing that gets me sometimes is when I hear industry people rant and rave about the biz.  AND, these are the successful ones.  Wow…does Hollywood make everyone jaded?  Hope not.

The gals and me

When I start down this unnecessary road of self-doubt, the universe gives me a sign to keep going.  A form of validation that I AM on the right path?  That’s how I look at it.   It could be as small as picking up a penny on the morning of an audition, to a more observable, greater event like being selected as an aspiring actress in a nationwide contest.

So, just days before the 84th Academy Awards, I got an email telling me that I was named in an aspiring actress contest by Emma.com.  F#$cking fabulous, right?

Who is this Emma anyway? Emma.com is a new online marketplace.  Think Craigslist but better.  Leveraging Facebook’s connections, people now have the ability to control the audience and interact with only their friends and friends’ connections.  It’s much safer. An undoubtedly creative PR strategy, Emma.com is holding monthly “experiences of a lifetime” contests to bring visibility to the site.

According to a company spokesperson, they looked for actresses with passion and personality, and who demonstrated dedication.  In total there were three of us.  We were all at different levels with me being the newbie.  The other actresses – Aliza Rupert and Laura Hunter – are super cool chicks whom I look up to.  Take Laura, a.k.a. Miss Hunter.  She inspires me on so many levels.  She’s stuck with it through all the ups and downs, and things are starting to happen for her.  Through her blog and other writings, she does a great job at marketing herself.  Laura also creates her own content – so smart!  This has been one of my goals for 2012 and she’s inspired me to get off my ass.  You need to watch her Hillaree the Hillbilly character – so hilarious!

The girls and I attended very cool after-Oscar parties where I rubbed elbows with stars.  I also ran into old friends from DC – Cheryl Romero and Andrea Rodgers (AKA Miss A).   These girls are lovely and they know how to work a room.  TV and film actor Chris McDonald was part of our posse for part of the night.  A regular on not one but TWO TV series (Harry’s Law and Boardwalk Empire), Chris’s very down-to-earth.  I’m kicking myself for not asking him questions.  It WAS a party so I was trying to be polite and respect his time.  Chris, if you’re reading this, I would love to pick your brain one day.  Coffee?  I’ll come up your way.

The final destination was a swanky LA mansion where we mingled and danced.  There was food served around 3 a.m. so Laura and I ate.  In fact, I went up to the buffet not once but twice.  Quelle surprise!

I left the girls on the dance floor around 4 a.m. and headed home to my man. Hanging with the beautiful people at swanky Hollywood parties is nice, but I greatly value the relationships I made at this event.

Here I am…a year into it.  I moved to LA essentially not knowing anyone.  I can count on one hand how many people I knew.  But now?   I have lots of friends…and continue to meet cool people every day.  Whoever said LA doesn’t have quality people????

Thanks Emma.com, this was certainly an experience of a lifetime.  Well….hopefully not.  I will be here again soon!!!!  And, not because of a contest next time.

 “I read a Chinese saying some time back and it stuck with me. The saying goes- “We are so busy making living that we  forget to make a life.” This really got me thinking. How true! We are so busy running around in life that we have lost the sense of direction and purpose. The pleasure of living life has given way to the stress and strain of earning a livelihood. Life has become a tedious journey which often leaves most of us discouraged, depressed and drained out.”

Boy do I understand this.  For a long time, this is how I moved through life.  Career and money were all that mattered to me.  I was definitely not living life! I lost myself for a minute.

Dr. Roopleen goes on to say….

“Life is precious. Respect it. Live it with a purpose and live it to the full. Don’t make your life a passive series of coincidences and accidents. You didn’t come into this world to drift in the ocean of life. You are here to LIVE your life. So adjust your sail and guide your way even if it means sailing upstream or against the wind. Don’t just exist- LIVE!”

How true is this??????   So, why don’t we come to this conclusion on our own?  It took some time but I SO get it now.  My epiphany came after a series of life-changing events.   Life is a gift that you need to cherish every day.  Life can be short – you never know when you’re going to go.

With my new mantra “live life to the fullest” in mind, I’m trying to fill my life with new experiences….learn new skills.  I’m expanding my palate.   For instance, I’m learning to shoot.   Yes folks, I am exercising my second amendment right.  Kristin and a weapon?  Some have remarked that’s a scary thought.  Ha ha……If you share that sentiment, let me tell you – I’m a regular Dirty Harry.  Well, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but I
am good shot…and only getting better.

I have two great teachers, my stepfather Brian and boyfriend Michael, both of whom are skilled marksman.   They are quite responsible so they both took me through the steps.  Learn the proper safety precautions.  Check! Learn how to hold and operate the weapon. Check!

What did it feel like to fire a gun for the first time?   I was initially shocked by how loud the bang was and then came the recoil of the weapon. One gun in particular, a KAHR CW9, took some time getting used to the recoil.  The gun kicks back into your hands.. into your shoulders.  Take a look at this video.

The overall experience?  Empowering and exhilarating.   I think it has to do with once you know how to do it right, you feel more like a badass.  Like you can protect yourself better.  Well, I guess that would mean that you’d have to own a gun (which by the way, I have no interest in becoming a pistol-packin’ mama).  But, if I find myself wrestling a gun away from an attacker, I now know how to use it!

A word of caution to the ladies – do NOT wear loose fitting, scoop-neck shirts.   When you fire a semi-automatic weapon, the shells (or brass) eject and fly everywhere, including unexpectedly down my shirt, causing my aim to go a bit awry.   Ouch….. my poor cleavage…the shells are very hot from firing.   A week later and the burns are finally gone. LOL.

Smith & Wesson 6906 9mm and Glock 17

While I won’t be winning any NRA’s shooting competitions today, I hold a gun like a pro.  I can definitely can play a cop on TV.  Now, I’ll work on improving my shot.   Stay tuned for other new things I’m trying to expand my horizon. 

-Steve Jobs