Fu#k cancer

I mean, really? Who would ever have thunk it?  A routine procedure to remove a mole turned into a diagnosis of melanoma.   It was a small normal-looking mole on the side of my neck, one which did not fall under the warning sign.  Even the dermatologist questioned why I wanted it off.   Purely for cosmetic reasons.  And as mom said, “for once in your life, vanity paid off.”  It saved my life.

I was asked to return to the office the following week.  Yikes, that’s never good.   AND, it wasn’t.  It turned out I had skin cancer.   My first reaction?  Disbelief.  How could this be?  Sure, I am a fair skinned, blue-eyed blond with Irish heritage, but I wore sunscreen and hats to cover my face and neck for most of my adult life.   Then ignorance kicked in.  I did not know the different types of skin cancer, or that one was fatal.   (Melanoma has an average life expectancy of 6 months to a year if it gets into the system.)  I then dealt with regret.  I should have pursued acting earlier.  What if I don’t get the chance now?  Last emotion, of course, was fear.  Fear of the worst.  Death.  I don’t do well with health issues to begin with, and then take into consideration a mild case of hypochondria (you can thank my nana Martell for this too)…what an emotional roller coaster.  Though my odds were good this time (probability of a five-year survival is 93%), I didn’t believe it…. paid no attention to them.  I consider myself a tough girl but this rocked me.

The next day I had surgery.  I made the mistake of going alone — BAD IDEA.  Not good for several reasons but anyway….. It was agony waiting for the results – a week seemed like eternity.   Anyway, they came back….. cancer free!   What a relief.  The absence of anxiety was short lived – I had to now deal with the scar.  So heinous – I couldn’t look at or touch it for several days.   Almost six inches in length, it looked like I got my throat slit.  (If you can handle it, here’s a photo.)  You can imagine what ran through my mind about how it would affect me in Hollywood.  There’s no way to hide it at auditions.  The surgeon promised it would be unnoticeable…..look like a natural line in six months.  I was NOT optimistic at all.

I spent my remaining days in DC with large bandages on my neck.  You wouldn’t believe how many strangers asked what happened to me.   I got creative with my responses.  My favorite: I was bit by a vampire.  With today’s pop culture obsession with vampires, this often got a great reaction.  Before heading out west, I made a temporary stop in Nashville to spend a couple months recuperating.  It was almost two weeks before I could turn my neck even to the slightest.  It took more than two months for me to move it normally and another two to get my posture right.  I was protecting my neck, favoring one side so I resembled a hunchback.   And the scar today?  SO much better — it IS becoming unnoticeable! Thanks Dr. Rotter!  And thank you to two of the most important people in my life for taking such excellent care of me.   You know who you are.

So, what’s the take-away?  Life can be taken away so easily.  The event forced me to remind myself of what’s important, why I need to embark on this improbable journey.  It validated my decision to move to LA.  And now I’m here, and it is pushing me to the limits of my determination.

Friends, I would be remiss if I didn’t give a warning about the importance of getting your skin checked regularly.  If you haven’t gone to the dermatologist in a while, GO!!

Tags: cancer, Dr. Rotter, melanoma